They say play is the work of children — and it’s true! Play is essential to how children learn about the world, themselves and each other. By default, this makes playdates an essential part of a child’s world (as well as yours!). Playdates help build supportive communities of caring adults, boost kids’ social skills, and help toddlers and young children bond with people outside of the family. And of course, they’re fun!

Yet, for many of us, organizing one of these get-togethers can cause uncertainty, leading to all sorts of questions (from managing expectations, to keeping everyone safe and happy, to making plans for another playdate in the future.) Below, we share common questions and answers from local experts to help pave your way to playdate perfection.

Looking for a fun and local spot to host your next playdate? Check out Indoor Activities That Will Make You Look Forward to Rainy Days.

The Experts

Brynn Cicippio is a mother of two, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner and founder of BCA Therapy in Yardley. She has over fifteen years of clinical experience working with individuals and families navigating a variety of challenges. 

Amanda Sinkler is the Founder and CEO of the Discovery Preschools in Newtown and Warrington, as well a parent of two boys. She has 15 years of professional experience in the field of childcare, a degree in Early Childhood Education from Temple University and a Masters Degree in Educational Business Administration from the American College of Education.

Some Common Questions About Playdates

Why are playdates important for my child?

Playdates offer unstructured, child-led play, allowing kids to explore social dynamics and develop independence. “Unlike the structured environment of a classroom, playdates provide a more relaxed setting where children can build deeper friendships, improve communication skills, and learn to navigate social situations on their own,” says Sinkler. The smaller, intimate setting of playdates helps children strengthen their social confidence and adaptability, making them an essential complement to the socialization they experience in school.

Who will be watching the kids? Should I stay or drop off?

This primarily depends on the child’s age and your comfort level with the other parents. Although, it is essential to clarify expectations beforehand so that everyone is on the same page. Discuss with the host parent whether they expect parents to stay or if it’s a drop-off event, advises Sinkler. This way, no one is caught off guard, ensuring a smooth and enjoyable experience for both the children and the parents involved.

“If you have been invited to a playdate or are extending an invitation, be clear if you prefer to have a drop off or stay,” says Cicippio. Again this allows the hosting family to prepare and expectations to be clear.  And if the playdate is a drop off, be sure to have the correct phone number of the parent picking up.

What will the “activity” be, what will they be doing?

The activity should be planned in advance with input from both parents. For a first playdate, both our experts agree it’s often best to avoid holding it at someone’s home. If things don’t go smoothly, it can lead to an awkward situation. Instead, meeting at a park offers more flexibility. If the playdate isn’t going well, it’s easier to let your child explore a different part of the playground while you follow along, making the situation less uncomfortable for everyone.

How long should a playdate last?

For younger children, such as toddlers and preschoolers, playdates generally last around 1 to 2 hours. This duration is usually enough time for them to play, socialize, and have fun without becoming overly tired or overstimulated.

Are siblings allowed?

Whether siblings should attend a playdate depends on several factors. If the playdate is intended to help two children bond, it’s usually best to keep it just between them to avoid disrupting the dynamics. If siblings are close in age and share interests, their presence might enhance the experience. However, significant age differences could lead to boredom or exclusion. It’s essential to consider the host’s ability to supervise multiple children and to discuss this with the other parent beforehand. Clear communication ensures everyone is comfortable and that the playdate goes smoothly.

Should we provide a snack? How do we address allergies?

Providing a snack during a playdate is a considerate idea, but it’s crucial to address any allergies or dietary restrictions beforehand. Before the playdate, ask the other parent if their child has any specific allergies or dietary needs to ensure you offer a safe snack. Sinkler advises opting for simple, allergy-friendly options like fruit or crackers, and avoid common allergens such as nuts unless you’re certain they’re safe. Additionally, communicate with the other parent about the snack you plan to provide, allowing them to raise any concerns or offer suggestions. This approach ensures that the snack is safe and enjoyable for everyone.

If my child is going over another child’s house, how do I address safety?

A direct, yet respectful approach will help ensure your child’s safety without sounding accusatory. “You can say, ‘We take safety seriously—do you have any firearms in the house, and if so, are they securely stored?’ Most parents will appreciate your concern and be open to discussing it,” says Sinkler. If you feel uncomfortable with this approach, it may be best to keep playdates in a mutual location until you know the parent better and feel comfortable asking these types of questions.

Should I let my kids go over another kid’s house if I don’t know the parents?

It’s important not to allow your child to go to another kid’s house if you don’t know the parents. Establishing trust and communication with the other family is crucial for your child’s safety. The first time kids hang out, it’s best to be present yourself to observe the environment and get to know the parents. Before agreeing to any playdate, exchange contact information, discuss safety concerns, and make sure you feel comfortable with the situation. Your presence initially ensures that both you and your child are confident in the arrangements, laying the groundwork for future playdates.

At what age is it appropriate for children to have a sleepover?

There is no set age or statistic to suggest how old your child should be before they can go to a sleepover. While some experts recommend children should be at least 5 or 6, others say 8. Still, others recommend waiting until middle school or beyond. It’s important to take into consideration your child’s maturity and independence.

“This is definitely a controversial topic! To be honest, I’m not sure my child will ever have a sleepover at someone else’s house. I might reconsider as my child gets older or if I develop a very close relationship with some of their friends’ parents. But for now, I’m cautious about the idea,” Sinkler shared.

How do we address discipline? Is it appropriate for another parent to discipline your child?

Why many of us may be uncomfortable with the idea of correcting the behavior or someone else’s child, there are several instances when it may be appropriate, most notably when it’s a matter of safety. If you’re running the carpool, feel free to call out the kid who won’t wear a seatbelt. If one child is hurting another, it’s time to step in and put a stop to it.

“I believe it’s okay to kindly correct another child if the behavior is something universally considered wrong, like hitting. For example, I might say, ‘Oh, [child’s name], hitting can hurt—can you use your words instead?’ However, this depends on whether the other parent is present. If the parent is there and doesn’t correct their own child, it can create an awkward situation. In that case, I would still gently say something, but I’d keep it light and avoid being too direct or firm to respect the other parent’s approach. I would also try to talk to my own child in that situation, saying something like, ‘Tanner, if you don’t like that [child’s name] just hit you, then you need to say that or walk away.’ This helps my child learn how to handle conflicts appropriately,” says Sinkler.

1. Setting

If this is the first play date with another family, meeting in a public place may be most helpful. “This eliminates the potential pressure for someone to feel like their home needs to look a certain way or to provide any sort of refreshments,” says Cicippio. It also serves as a neutral meeting point where either family can exit at any time. Additionally, a neutral setting can limit conflict over toys or games that a child may not want to share.

2. Time

Setting a start and end time allows all families to plan for their other schedules and routines such as meals and naptimes, or other activities. Times also allow children to leave the play date on a positive note and not when they are too tired and exhausted from all the stimulation… thus often leading to a meltdown of sorts.

3. Animals and Allergies

For a playdate with a family who is new to you, be clear on presence of or fear of any animals, no matter how small or friendly or harmless, and also be clear on any allergies present, especially food. 

An example of putting all this into a playdate invitation may look like this:

“Hi Kelly. We really enjoyed our time at the park with you and Sarah. We would like to invite you and Sarah to our home on Saturday from 12-2 to hang out. I am going to feed her lunch before you arrive, but I will have a water ice snack available.  We do not have any pets or food allergies.”

Parent to Child:

A challenging part of playdates, Cicippio says, is that all families and homes look different and have their own nuances, even if they appear highly similar. Setting expectations with children and providing them with certain vocabulary and words can increase the success of time spent with peers.  “Children respond better to clear expectations and structure in advance, rather than correction and potential embarrassment after the fact,” she adds.

1. Handling differences in advance – whether meeting in a public place or meeting in a home, all families and parents operate in their own unique way. Letting children know this in advance can help them engage with peers in a supportive and respectful way.  A simple way to do this could be, “Sarah, when we have playdates with friends it can be a lot of fun AND there can be some different things we see or hear or smell.  We can ask questions when we see/hear/smell something different to understand. We shouldn’t say “ew or gross or that’s bad” because that can hurt someone’s feelings. You can also always ask to talk to me in private or save your question for when we come home.”

2. Private spaces – One family may allow kids in all rooms of the home while another family may keep playdates outside. Empower your children to ask at the onset what rooms or areas they are permitted to play in, regardless of whether its your home, another family’s home, or a public space.  If you are hosting a playdate in your home you may say, “We are so happy you are here to play with Max and we like to keep all play on the first floor. No one is permitted in bedrooms.” If you are in someone else’s home you may say, “Thank you for hosting Peter and I shared with him that he is to stay out of private rooms.”

3. Food – Feeding children before a playdate may help prevent them from going into someone’s food supply, whether it be their fridge or lunchbox.  Reminding your kids beforehand to always ask if they can have something can also be helpful.

4. Challenging Behavior – How, when, and if to address challenging behavior depends on many factors including nature of the behavior, relationship between parents, and age of the child. It can be easier to redirect a 4 year old who isn’t sharing by giving them an alternative toy than it can be to redirect a 12 year old who is using inappropriate language. For children, it may be harder to share a toy than work around an off-handed comment. One common thread is to remind children about behavioral expectations and if there is a concern or something doesn’t feel right, to talk to a grownup or to create some physical distance between your child and another, or give your child the words to advocate for themselves. “I don’t care for that.” “I’ll play with something else.” “Can I have a turn when you are finished?”

Feature Photo Courtesy of Canva